if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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