when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
