11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
