Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
