I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
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