did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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