By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
