why didn't you poke me back
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
