when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
