I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just forgot I was standing up.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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