What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
