I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
