you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
