I wish my penis had an off switch
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
