i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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