hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
