so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
