girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize