he wants to bone in the snuggie
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
