So drunk, too bad you don't want this
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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