we're chasing vodka with high fives
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
