whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize