News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
