all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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