1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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