the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize