I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
