do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
