Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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