my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
