i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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