Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
