census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize