thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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