Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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