I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
