did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
