So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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