If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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