Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
