I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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