why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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