chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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