Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
