20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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