i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
