Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
