Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize