For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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