where does the pee come out of this thing
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
