State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
