dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
