I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
