So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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