she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
