I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
