Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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