The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
