So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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