We won't sleep together?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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