I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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