i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
