Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
