this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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