I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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