we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
