absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
