i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
