I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
