Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
