paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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