Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
